I wish you could order shots online.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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