last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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