My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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