idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
as a side note pls kill me
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
