you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
