Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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