well I can't set my house on fire every night
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
