Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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