the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
