I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
