She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
