did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
