Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
