ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
