Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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