am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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