Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize