Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
