what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
