no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
