you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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