did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
