yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
