I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Randomize
