In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
