god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
