I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
