Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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