I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
