So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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