i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
