worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
