pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I have fence marks all over my body
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
