So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
