why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
