just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
