I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
