I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize