If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
