I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize