been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
