Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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