She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize