Your face is a jimmy john
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
