i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
