i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
