I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
