dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
