I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
