and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
