How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
