My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
