Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
