I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
