I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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