i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
it's great music for shaving your balls
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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