I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
