My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
