Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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