Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
