So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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