i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
