kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
