The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
