The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
