a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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