Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i think my mom watched the whole time
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
