You just made me feel so damn special
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
