Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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