According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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